I have become one of those parents that is a little paranoid. I wasn't always like this. I certainly didn't grow up to be like this. When I was a kid Joe and I would roam about, free, and I'm pretty sure my parents weren't worried that we'd be abducted and never heard from again. We stayed out past dark and as long as they had a relative idea of where we were, we had alot of freedom. When we lived in Coraopolis we had a house near some fantastic woods. There were caves and hills and streams...we'd wandered around for hours. These days I won't let the girls out of my sight. Literally. There is no biking around the corner, no sleeping in cool weather with the windows open, no sleep overs.
I wasn't like this with the boys which makes me wonder if I'm like this BECAUSE the girls are girls or if the world has changed so much in the last decade that it's my only wise choice. I let the boys do their thing quite often, walking or biking to and from school as young as 7 years old, playing outside after dark, staying entire weekends at some friend's house. In comparison the girls are positively smothered.
I'm so afraid that something unspeakable will happen to them if I am not completely vigilant. My husband is the same way. In fact, he is the one who placed a moratorium on sleep-overs. I am saddened by this, because in doing what we think is keeping them safe, we are also robbing them of some of the best parts of childhood.
So what is the middle ground here? I can't find it. If I let them wander and something, anything, happens, I won't be able to live with myself. If I hold them too close when they are older they may buck the system so hard I could lose them anyway. Every time I hear about another crime against a child, most especially a little girl, my stomach tightens. That little Madeline missing from a hotel room in Portugal, Polly Klaas, on and on. It is not a safe world for our children...but at what cost comes the reassurance that they are within reach?
If they were little boys I wonder if I would feel differently. I wanted the boys to be safe, but I was never afraid that letting them PLAY would bring them harm. Not so with my three daughters. The big bad wolf could be anywhere...and in sheep's clothing to boot.
Maybe as they grow older I won't be so worried. But older girls just seem to have a whole new set of threats, and these days they seem to reach that age of adolescent peril younger than ever.
Looks like I may never rest easy. I am so honored to be a mother to daughters. And I'm also a nervous wreck.
For now my girls are small enough not to balk too hard at my grip. But I know the day will come sooner than I'd like when I have to reason why I am the way I am with them. And I expect a fight. If I don't learn to loosen this parenting noose a little, they won't be able to go out into the world with any sort of confidence. But when is the time right for that? When they're 10? 13? 45?
Everyday is a new lesson. I hope I am learning the right ones.
I wasn't like this with the boys which makes me wonder if I'm like this BECAUSE the girls are girls or if the world has changed so much in the last decade that it's my only wise choice. I let the boys do their thing quite often, walking or biking to and from school as young as 7 years old, playing outside after dark, staying entire weekends at some friend's house. In comparison the girls are positively smothered.
I'm so afraid that something unspeakable will happen to them if I am not completely vigilant. My husband is the same way. In fact, he is the one who placed a moratorium on sleep-overs. I am saddened by this, because in doing what we think is keeping them safe, we are also robbing them of some of the best parts of childhood.
So what is the middle ground here? I can't find it. If I let them wander and something, anything, happens, I won't be able to live with myself. If I hold them too close when they are older they may buck the system so hard I could lose them anyway. Every time I hear about another crime against a child, most especially a little girl, my stomach tightens. That little Madeline missing from a hotel room in Portugal, Polly Klaas, on and on. It is not a safe world for our children...but at what cost comes the reassurance that they are within reach?
If they were little boys I wonder if I would feel differently. I wanted the boys to be safe, but I was never afraid that letting them PLAY would bring them harm. Not so with my three daughters. The big bad wolf could be anywhere...and in sheep's clothing to boot.
Maybe as they grow older I won't be so worried. But older girls just seem to have a whole new set of threats, and these days they seem to reach that age of adolescent peril younger than ever.
Looks like I may never rest easy. I am so honored to be a mother to daughters. And I'm also a nervous wreck.
For now my girls are small enough not to balk too hard at my grip. But I know the day will come sooner than I'd like when I have to reason why I am the way I am with them. And I expect a fight. If I don't learn to loosen this parenting noose a little, they won't be able to go out into the world with any sort of confidence. But when is the time right for that? When they're 10? 13? 45?
Everyday is a new lesson. I hope I am learning the right ones.
10 comments:
hi thar'
Well,Well,Leslie,"Geeky" miracles do happen even for dummies like me!!! Happy to now know we can be in touch with you and thereby enable us to comment on your wonderful writings and especially your amazing recall of your memorable family episodes so far in your young life!!! MLB
well, leslie dear, my mary lee has been trying twice now to send her comments to you but apparently has failed both times??? oh well,she'll eventually be able to figure it out as i did and it will be well worth the wait!!! Trust me!!! i know her convictions bolstered by her determination to get the job done must like her comments will be only much nicer in tone. i'm sure!!! MLB
my dear leslie...plesse let me expound abit more, in that i pray you'll not allow yourself to become discouraged in what you have undertaken by any thoughts on your part of an apparent lack of initial response in the way of comments to your Blog site from any other members of the Stover clan!!! i know that there are intelligent minds and opinions out there in the way of your aunts and uncles and especially your beloved cousins once they too, realize the importance and magnitude of your literary endeavor!!! LUV U...UNCLE BOB
I think I have a fan club MLB! I love you guys!
Leslie, I sent a big long comment yesterday and it disappeared into outerspace!! Will try again later!
Love you, Mary Lee
I am so glad you are doing your "thing". The one on MLK was so good I believe it should be published. Of course, you know how I feel about your writing. Even if no one comments, keep it up because it is a history for your family and maybe even a book some day. You can do it. Don't feel so guilty about mistakes you might or might not have made raising your children. Do you love them? Do they know you love them? That is foremost in raising little ones. Faith comes next. If they have faith in you, perhaps you can have faith in them when the big Jr. High and Sr. High events arrive. If I made mistakes, I don't know exactly what they were but obviously I did because I have a 48 year old son who has no self confidence. If I try to tell him to let's put our heads together and figure out what he can do to earn more money, he just gets mad and says the same old thing, "Oh, Mom, you know I can't learn anything new and I can't do that!" It makes him mad and makes me just as mad but I try to hold my tongue. So you see, it doesn't go away no matter how old they are. Just hang in there and love, love, love them and don't yell. I did learn that! I am signing off because my husband tells me that I will lose this all if I make this too long. Is that true? I love you, Les. Mary Lee
P.S. I can say this, even though Mom and Daddy had very little to give us in material things, I ALWAYS my whole life knew I was loved. I think all 5 of us did. None of us turned out to be bad kids, maybe not the most successful as far as making a living (some of us did) but that is secondary.
well, leslie, by now you must know that Marnie finally was able to access your Blog site and by the very nature and makeup of her first comment, why she is destined to become your favorite Blogger and well worth your wait for her to sign on!!! i am convinced she is blessed with the literary skill that i simply call spontaneous sentencing in that she writes down without hesitation exactly what she would be saying were she simply talking to you in a one on one sit down conversation!!! and that is straight up and honest and always open for a personal expression of her family trait i simply call "Stoverism" and that being a compassion,and a love and sincere caring for others!!! what do you think, leslie??? LUV U UNCLE BOB
Marnie and Bob, I love your comments. They are so thoughtful. Although I agree that all we can do as parents is the best we can do and pretty much cross our fingers for the rest, I do know that my kids know I love them. And I stopped yelling a long time ago...frankly I grew up. I'll write a new entry soon!
Love, Leslie
I don't think the world is safe for children anymore. I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. I do too when I watch the news everyday at work. It's a sick sick world and you are doing what you have to do. You're right, eventually they will break away from your grasp, but for now, you're doing the right thing!
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